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Here is a list of Christian dating questions. They are intended to help you get to know someone on the essential issues to know if investing more time in the relationship is a wise idea. This post was written by Rosemarie Ramsingh-Blackaby.
This post gives 16 questions for Christians to ask on dates. It specifically is written for Christian single women.
Christian single women want to date believers who help them grow in their relationship with the Lord. These questions will help with discerning this.
How to Ask These Questions
Try and ask these questions in an open-ended way. You will get more information from your date if you ask the questions in this way.
Listen very carefully to what is being said, especially if you haven’t lost your head yet in giddy infatuation.
By listening carefully to the answers, you will learn a lot about the character and suitability of your date as a potential Godly spouse.
1. Tell me how an ideal day off would look for you.
This will tell you about his style: is he on a schedule or relaxed? Is he physically active or sedentary most of the day? Is he in nature or in a crowd of people?
Find out what he would enjoy most on an ideal day and why. This will help you to know how your styles would mesh if you married.
2. Tell me about the very best day of your life.
This will tell you about the types of experiences he values most in life.
3. What are the 3 things you would most like to be sure you do before you die?
This will tell you about his values and priorities. See if any of them have anything to do with pursuing Jesus.
4. Tell me about how you came to know the Lord.
Look to see if he truly understands the Gospel and how his life changed after he got into a relationship with Jesus.
If he cannot clearly describe how he came to know the Lord, be aware he may not be a believer.
5. What area of your life have you seen God working to change you?
If he is in a genuine relationship with God, his life should be changing as he matures in his spiritual life. If he says there have been no changes, that would be a bad sign.
It is ideal to be in a relationship with someone who is growing and developing to be more Christ-like every day.
6. Tell me about your parent’s relationship.
Probe deeper by asking follow-up questions. What were their respective roles? How was conflict resolved?
Be aware, without therapy, people who witnessed dysfunctional family dynamics as children often go on to repeat similar dysfunctions in their dating life.
7. How is your relationship with your parents right now?
A man with an ongoing beef with his parents (especially unforgiveness) will have ample opportunity to work out his unresolved conflicts on you if you get into a relationship with him.
Marriage relationships often echo early childhood family experiences.
People with unresolved conflict with their parents will often unwittingly project those issues onto you.
Forgiving the parents doesn’t mean he is seeing them for dinner every week. It just means he has made peace with his parents and has let go of any resentment over past hurts.
8. Is there an area in your life God has recently prompted you to start growing in?
Probe deeper with a few questions if needed:
- How did you know this area needed work?
- What specifically are you doing to grow in this area?
- Do you have any accountability set up and if so, what does that accountability look like?
This question will tell you whether he is actively working with God to grow right now. This is a real plus in a Christian dating partner or future spouse.
9. Tell me about your 3 closest friends.
People who are able to maintain healthy loving friendships will be more able to maintain a healthy loving marriage. The relational skills are similar.
If he has no close loving friendships that have lasted a long time that is not a good sign.
If his friends are all loving and growing Christians going after God with their whole hearts, that is a great sign too. We tend to become the average of our four to five closest friends.
Notice who his friends are and if they are living Godly lives. It will tell you a lot about him.
10. Tell me about a time when you were treated unfairly.
Explore more with this question. How did you respond?
This will tell you about whether he uses biblical principles to solve problems. Notice whether he forgives easily.
See if he seeks God’s solutions through prayer for problem resolution too.
11. Tell me about your prayer life.
Someone who doesn’t prioritize speaking with God daily is not developed spiritually.
Notice whether he seeks out God’s direction in prayer for decisions in his life.
12. Do you have any personal rules about money?
If you need more information based on the answer you get back, go deeper with these follow-up questions: How much debt do you have? What are your views on tithing?
Dating someone who is on the same page as you about money stewardship will lead to less conflict should the relationship lead to marriage.
It is better to not date someone who is in a lot of debt or relies on debt as a way of managing their finances. Also, tithing shows a reverence for God in finances and is a good sign in a potential dating partner.
For this question, notice whether he is gainfully employed and self-sustaining. A man who is not able to take care of himself financially yet is not in a position to be dating a potential Christian spouse.
14. What is your opinion about sex outside of marriage?
The bible is pretty clear about God’s desire for sex to be within a married relationship, and nowhere else.
Sexual purity ensures proper bonding and sexual bonding in sexual relationships within marriage.
If your date is not on the same page as you on this, my best advice to you as a Christian sister is to walk away. He could pressure you into sexual sin if you persist.
15. Tell me about your past dating relationships.
It is not a good sign if he blames all broken previous relationships on the other person, and took nothing away about what he could personally change or improve.
The ability to be self-aware and the willingness to work on one’s own personal problems are great signs in a dating partner.
16. Why do you want to be in a relationship with me?
If he talks about superficial things-like your looks or your musical tastes, these are not the things which build a sturdy relationship.
If he values your faith in God, or the fact he feels closer to the Lord since meeting you, or your sense of humor, those are examples of the deeper things that last in relationships.
Question for You
Are there some questions you find particularly informative when you go on dates? Feel free to leave a comment and share!
This article provides 16 questions for Christians to ask on dates to understand their date’s values and motivations.
These questions will help in making a decision of whether the date is marriage material. If you are interested in reading further about Christian dating, consider reading this post on red flags in Christian dating. Happy dating!