We may earn money from the products/companies mentioned in this post. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. For more information, read our Terms & Disclosures.
Have you ever seen a love languages list or read a summary of the five love languages and wondered just what the big deal is? Understanding the five love languages can dramatically improve your relationships.
If you’re new to the five love languages, they are a list of ways people give and receive love. Understanding what a love language is and how to use love languages effectively will improve all your relationships.
What are the 5 Love Languages?
This idea became a hot topic about a decade ago…and because it’s so effective, has stayed that way.
Dr. Gary Chapman introduced the world to the idea of five love languages in his book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.
He explains how each person experiences love in a specific way. It further says that there are five different ways people experience love. These different ways are called “love languages”.
If someone has a preferred way of receiving love, but the people around them love them in ways that are different from this, they often feel unloved or less loved than they would if their primary language were being “spoken” by the way others interact with them.
Needless to say, this is powerful stuff! Knowing the love language of those closest to you enables you to reach their hearts and connect with them more effectively and can strengthen your relationships.
This helps make you a more loving wife, mom, and friend.
The Five Love Languages List
So what are they? Here’s a quick summary of the five love languages and they can improve your relationships.
Words of Affirmation
This doesn’t mean you need to be a poet or anything; it’s simply giving kind words that build someone up. Truly honest compliments are what is needed…not empty flattery.
The person who values words as their love language needs to hear that you care, not just see it.
When you love someone this way, they will hear that you care and feel secure with you. This will also allow them to reciprocate love to you more freely.
Spending quality time to express love means giving someone your undivided attention. Put the phone away and staying focussed on the other person.
People with this love language prefer communication where both parties are looking at each other. Really listen and empathize with the person with this love language to connect best with them. Do things that interest them, whether it’s playing a game, watching a movie, or working around the house.
Just do it together. This time together of intentional connection will help your loved one know you are investing in them and they will trust your love more, and freely return it.
The person whose love language is gifts prefers your love presented in a way they can tangibly interact with.
That means giving the person you love something they can actually touch. Thoughtful gifts which show you know the person well will speak loudly here.
But not just any gift; remember this is a way to show love, so be intentional with your choices! Elaborate isn’t best; thoughtful is.
Giving gifts to someone whose love language is presents allows them to know you think about them and what delights them; this strengthens their connection to you.
Acts of Service
The person whose love language is acts of service gets all warm and fuzzy when you do things for them to show your love.
This could be cooking dinner and cleaning the house or picking up something from the store; it’s not always a grand gesture (although those are certainly marvelous, too!). Interestingly, for a lot of women, this is a predominant love language.
When you serve someone who has this love language, you are telling them how much they mean to you and that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to show them that. That’s some powerful stuff, right there!
I bet you’re not confused about what this looks like, are you? This love language includes things like holding hands, hugs, kisses, and neck massages. For couples this includes sex, too.
When someone has physical touch as a love language, it’s so important to continually reach out and touch them so that they don’t feel empty and alone. This one requires being in closer proximity than the others because you just can’t satisfy it over the phone, via text, or with email.
If you are separated by distance, pray and ask God to help you creatively bridge that gap.
How Do I Find Out What My Love Language Is?
Curious to know what your love language is? There is a FREE test online, HERE.
If you’re married, ask your hubby to take it, too. This way you can both start loving each other even better!
How Do The 5 Love Languages Lead To Better Relationships?
It’s kind of hard to bond with someone who speaks Swahili if your only language is English. When you don’t speak the same languages, there are going to be important things you simply can’t say to one another clearly.
It’s the same with love languages.
To communicate best and to connect deeply, you need to speak the same language.
Find out what your inner circle’s love languages are, then go ahead and start loving them based on their love language. Also, share with them what your love language is so that they can be mindful of loving you this way.
For more tips, you should definitely check out the 5 Love Languages books:
This post originally appeared on Faith It Like A Boss and has been re-written and modified with permission from Rosemarie Ramsingh-Blackaby.