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The air was heavy with the sticky heat of summer in the southeast. My children were running around and playing while I fanned myself and watched their antics.
“Look at me Mommy! Watch!”
There were imagining an adventure with pirates and sea monsters and all the brilliant things only a child’s mind can conjure.
I shared with the mom I was sitting with that I didn’t really know how to play with them that way and was glad they were having fun together.
I hadn’t even been that kind of kid, truth be told. While I loved the vivid imagination they enjoyed so much, it was truly a mystery to me.
And because it was so foreign to me, I watched but never joined. All too often sent my children to play together so I could run our home smoothly.
“You know, it’s important to play with your children, too,” she told me from experience, this other mom of many who had teens as well as toddlers. “Healthy meals, a clean home, and all that stuff is important, but you have to play with your children, too. They’re waiting for you.”
Related: 5 Ways To Get Stuff Done With Kids At Home
Why Does It Matter If I Play With My Kids?
It was sound advice, but I really had no clue how to actually do it. I knew how to take them to the playground, how to go for walks, and how to set them up with educational toys.
But play? With them? I hadn’t even been good at that when I was a child!
When I was in grade school and it was time to go out to the playground for recess, I would go to the library and read a book. I’d always loved to read, but I was also afraid of being turned away by the other kids.
I just couldn’t handle them telling me they didn’t want to play with me, so I stopped going out and asking.
It’s funny; I can remember still the crushing disappointment when I asked for a friend to play with me and they were too busy, or just wanted to play something I wasn’t any good at.
When I put myself out there and asked for them to play with me, I was really asking if I mattered enough to them for them to say “yes”. And every time I heard “no”, it broke my heart.
Mommy, Will You Play With Me?
Even though I can remember that so vividly, all too often I deliver that crushing blow in my own home.
I’m often too busy to accept the gift of the hearts that are being laid before me by my children. I forget how important to it is to play with them.
“Mommy, can you play with me?”“Mommy, will you color with me?”“Mommy, watch!”“Mommy, want to dance?”“Mommy, let’s go for a walk!”
“Sorry, honey, Mommy has to finish cleaning.”“Okay, sweetie, I’ll take a quick break. I’ve only got a few minutes though.”“Maybe in a little bit; I’m trying to finish up.”“I can’t right now; I need to wash the dishes.”“Oh, baby, I’d love to but the laundry is backed up and I have to get to it.”“How about we do that tomorrow?”
>>>My heavenly Father gently showed me that my children felt that same way when they asked me for my time.
Can You Hear What They Are Really Asking?
“Mommy, will you spend time with me?”“Mommy, am I a priority in your life?”“Mommy, I feel insecure right now; will you spend some time affirming your love for me?“Mommy, I need a friend. Will you like me?”“Mommy, am I special?”“Mommy, do you enjoy being my mommy?”“Mommy, am I as fun to look at as your cell phone?”“Is playing with me as much fun as scrolling through facebook or texting your friend?”“Mommy, will you invest your time in my life or are you just passing time until I grow up?“Mommy, will you lay a foundation in my life nowso that when things get tougher we’ll have something to stand on?”
How Can I Play With My Children?
I recall a baby dedication I once attended that included a unique element. The pastor’s wife gave the mom a toy as a souvenir for the little one, but also as a reminder to the mom to play with her baby.
She gave the bittersweet reminder that everything else in life can wait, but your child won’t stop growing up just because you’re busy.
I went home that day and tried to figure out how to play with my kids. I really didn’t know what to do, but I knew I had to start somewhere.
So I sat down in the middle of our family room and waited to see what my kids would do. They looked kind of confused at first so I hesitantly asked, “Can Mommy play with you?”
“YES!” they cried out joyfully, right before jumping on me and hugging me and telling me they loved me.
We spent the rest of that day playing with Waffle Blocks and tickling one another and giggling together.
I almost cried that night listening to their bedtime prayers, as they thanked Jesus that Mommy had wanted to play with them.
Sitting on the floor that day changed my life. It taught me how utterly beautiful it was to give my kids the gift of being wanted. And it made me want to give them that gift every single day.
If you’re wondering how to get started playing with your children, just sit down.
That’s it. Sit down on the floor with them and ask if you can play. They will embrace your presence and the gift of love you are giving.
Let them direct your time. Do they bring you blocks? Build. Cars? Drive around the town together, making noises. Dolls? Play house with them. Crayons? Color a picture. Books? Read to them.
Soak Your Kids With Grace
This is another opportunity to live a life of reckless abandon.
Don’t be afraid to shake off the shackles of all the things that we are being told matter, but that are simply overwhelming you.
The housework isn’t going anywhere, but their childhood is.
Yes, it’s great to clean out your home and live more simply. Yes, nourishing their little bodies with healthy meals is important. Yes, having a capsule wardrobe and using chemical-free fabric softener can be important.
But not nearly as important as your children and their hearts.
Take the time to play with your children. They’ll remember your nourishment of their hearts far more than your nourishment of their bodies.
When they are falling asleep at night, it’s the times that you played with them that day that will make their hearts smile, not the number of toys you purged from the playroom or the fact that lunch was nutritious.
I promise you this, precious mama: your children already love you just the way you are. The only thing they want is more of you.
They won’t recall what you’re wearing, or if the living room is clean. They won’t remember the perfectly balanced meal you fed them for dinner tonight.
They will remember that you chose to play with them and that they mattered enough for you to stop life for a moment and simply enjoy them.
Download this free “How To Play With Your Children” PDF
This “help sheet” provides you with 15 fun things to do with your kids, so that you can create meaningful connections with them each and every day.
- Download the free Help Sheet. You’ll get the free PDF printable from our community resource library, plus join my weekly newsletter! Just fill out this form and subscribe to get your access. They are on a bookmark, so it’s easy to check out and keep handy.
- Print it Out. Any old paper will do, but I personally print most things on cardstock so they are always easy to reference and hold up.
- Play with your children! Pick an idea and play with them. Remind them how valuable they are to you by spending time with them.
Now It’s Your Turn
Tell me what one of your favorite ways to play with your children is, or share an obstacle to doing so that you’d like help overcoming!
>>>>>You might also like this post on 5 Ways To Get Stuff Done With Kids At Home (that won’t leave them feeling ignored or you feeling guilty!)
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What a beautiful post! I am so thankful that God is never to busy for me!
It is hard to find that balance between what needs to be done at home (like meals, dishes, laundry) and the needs of our children.
It’s hard because we are in the business of making a home for them in the physical sense, as well as making a “home” for them in the security sense!
My children are 18 and 22, and when my oldest comes home for a visit from college I pretty much drop everything if he wants to go somewhere together, as he isn’t home very often.
My 18 year old doesn’t like to go out much, but sometimes he’ll ask me to watch a t.v. show with him or something.
It’s still important to “play” when they’re older, lol! Thanks for linking up to Making Your Home Sing Monday!
WOW>>VERY Convicting…I needed this thank you for sharing!
This is such a deep and wonderful post! There is so much truth in these words and thoughts – what a blessing!
Rachel and Dawn, thanks for reading. I know this is a hard thing for all moms, but lately it has been my personal battle each day and I am so determined to realign my priorities!
Lisa Grace, thank you for this lovely, gentle reminder! It is so easy to get so consumed with the tasks of the day that we overlook the truly important things in life! Your post has reminded me of a sweet quote that I often use to remind myself of this very truth!
Cleaning and scrubbing will wait ’til tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs! Dust, go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby. Babies don’t keep!
-Ruth Hamilton
Oh wow. This really hit home with me. I don’t know how many times I say “just a minute” or “not right now.” And that’s not what my kids need to hear.
Oh my goodness, this post really hit me. I have kids from the age of 2 to 11, and they never stop needing my attention. I am guilty of using the same excuses. Thank you for sharing this!!!
What an amazing post. My oldest son is a junior in high school and I am still shocked at how fast time has flown by. It seems like it was just yestarday that he was asking me to play. His questions may have changed, but what he is trying to tell me, has stayed the same.
Oh Lisa, my heart twists as I read this because I know it’s me. *cry* Oh my, thank you friend for speaking (writing) the tough words our mom hearts need to hear.
God is giving me such a vision and people keep confirming it over and over again. Thank you. *Hugs*
Christin
Joyful Mothering
So true! Convicting – even for a granparent!
I can’t access the download for the play ideas…
Send me an email at lisayvonne [at] gracefulabandon.com for instructions!
i could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I was reading this. It is so easy to just check that email, or write that list instead of watching their beautiful little faces light up when I play with them. I’m pretty sure when our kids are grown up and left home we’re not going to be wishing we spent more time surfing the net!
We really, really aren’t. Thanks for ready, Hayley, and have fun playing with your precious wee ones!
So so good. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this.
Thanks, Stephanie! Glad it blessed you 🙂
Thank you SO much for these words. You spoke directly to my heart as I could have written most of this myself. Your “I can’t play” responses are exact words that come from my mouth almost daily. And your interpretations of their questions are so true and enlightening. My oldest is 6 and she seldom even asks any more. Your message brought me to tears and I feel inspired to connect with my sweet kids starting today.
Sarah, that’s WONDERFUL!!! I’m so glad. Enjoy sitting on the floor with your darling daughter and savoring some moments with her <3
Thank you so much, this is the answer to my prayers! I dont know how im going to do it, but now I know I will, no matter how.
I’m glad, Romina! Just sit down and play with them 🙂
Great post! God actually put on my heart to do this recently. And within the last two months, I can see such a need for this in my son’s life as a developing healthy child. And I enjoy getting an excuse to lay on the floor and build a construction site with my son and not have to be a housekeeper, cook, or home-boss! And just allow myself to take a break with one of my favorite humans in this world hahaha God is so good because He knew not only did my son need this, but I needed it just as much and have learned so much bput how my Father in heaven is with me and loves me, with how I am loving my son more each day during our play times!!!! So yes, it’s very important for both, and my husband and I dedicate each night at 7pm-8pm to play with our son as a family. And we both have noticed a huge difference in our sons behavior during the day towards us too. Quality time is the key to a mentally & emotionally happy kid!! God is so good!!!!
Isn’t it AMAZING how one hour a day can change so much? And yes, God IS good. I love that you set that time aside; so precious.
Thank you for this. Such a great reminder
You’re welcome <3
This is such a beautiful post. It is so hard finding a balance between giving our kids attention and keeping up with household chores.
My daughter just turned two. The other day she came up to me while I was doing dishes and said, “Mommy, play with me” and without even thinking I said, “Mommy needs to finish these dishes honey”. But the second the words left my mouth I realized that that was the first time she had ever asked me. It’s rare to catch and remember those “first time” moments. My heart sunk as I realized it and I immediatey dried my hands off and told her the dishes could wait, let’s play!
Reading your post reminded me of that moment and how important it is to find a balance between giving my daughter the attention she needs and my other responsibilities.
Great post! Sharing on fb and Pinterest now!
Oh, Sierrah, how WONDERFUL for your daughter that you heard yourself and immediately stopped to play with her <3 She's a blessed little girl!
Thanks for sharing 🙂
I love to color with mine- we don’t do it nearly often enough!
Coloring IS fun! My 7 year old in particular enjoys it. It’s sweet how the simple things really make a difference, isn’t it?
I’m not crying, YOU’RE crying! I love this so much. Thank you putting what I’ve been feeling so perfectly into words.
This article broke my heart. Only cause I am so guilty of saying no not right now with playing with my son. This whole article really hit me hard. Thank you thank you thank you for writing this and I’m so happy I stumbled upon this. 💝
<3 Girl, it still hits ME hard, because I still do it too often. I'm glad it blessed you!
Thank you for writing this! I need to remember this before it’s too late. I have such a hard time balancing responsibilities and playtime. There is just so much to do and it seems never ending!
I struggle with it, too, but I never regret the time I play…but sometimes I regret the time I work <3 Have fun PLAYING today!
Wow! This was a much needed blog post I came across! I constantly get the “can you play with me” from my oldest son even though he has a lil brother! Thanks for the words of wisdom! I will be putting this into action in the morning.
Hi Tiffany! Have fun together <3 And thanks for reading!
I love this. Thanks for this reminder. I hear this everyday mummy can you play with me and I think hmm this boy needs to learn to play by himself, but now I know better. Better late than never. I will definately work on this by God’s grace
It’s good for kids to be able to entertain themselves, but it’s also good to connect with them. I’m sure you’ll strike the balance of answering his heart!
How would you engage with teenagers? I have 2 and I’m lost at times how to be with them as they are on their gadgets etc
Thank you for your assistance
Hi Hanna,
I’ve got 8 kids, 2-20. Honestly, gadgets make it hard and if they’re not used to talk to you then it’ll take time. One thing we do is have tech free time each day. We cook together, talk, play cards or board games, go for walks…and sometimes it starts with eye rolling or sighing, but it always ends up well! The more you do it, the better it goes.
Honestly, how much harder can we possibly be on ourselves? The dishes can wait until tomorrow? Well guess what happens when you say that everyday? Your house becomes a hazard to everyone. Even stay at home mom has a full time job and that includes the house. Wouldn’t we all love to just sit with our kids all day and everything else get done some other way? It’s about balance. You have to cook and do the dishes, laundry, clean the house, run the errands, pay the bills, and more. Sometimes we need to zone out and watch tv for a few minutes. We have to keep our sanity too. We can’t do it all, and it’s hard enough as it is, so why the guilt trip? As long as the quality of time is there with your kids, don’t feel guilty about saying no sometimes. Geez as if we need more pressure
I’m incredibly sorry my message came across that way to you. This was specifically written to moms (like me, in the story I shared!) who don’t know how to play well, who focus a lot on doing the homemaker thing more than the playful mom thing. It’s a way to introduce how simple it can be, and relieve the pressure of it being a chore or too big of a deal. There’s no guilt trip here; just an invitation to enjoy grace and simplicity. Every mom can set things aside and sit on the floor for 5 minutes…and it’s good for our kids to have that happen.
Thank you for sharing how you feel about it and for visiting Graceful Abandon. I appreciate so much that you took the time to make a comment!
My child NEVER leaves me alone and HATES to play by herself, so I play with her to the point I’m sick of playing and can’t wait for Daddy’s turn, lol! Recently a doctor made a stink about me playing with my child and her refusal to play alone, recommending that I shouldn’t give into my child’s “tantrums” suggesting I should only occasionally play with my child. I was dumbfounded!! Thank you for this blog post reminding me that I’m doing the right thing for my child and that doctor is a modern-day idiot.
This is such a great article! I’m guilty of not playing with my kids. My oldest asks me all the time and I’m too quick to say things like “I’m busy right now but maybe when I’m done” or “Lets play after this and this” and then playing never happens.
I teared up when I read about what the kid’s really mean when they asked their mom to play with them. I need to put my phone down and just play.
Thank you for such an amazing article!
Xoxo
Thanks for reading, Kate, and I hope you and your kids have a lot of FUN playing together!
I can’t thank you enough for this information! It’s no wonder saying “no” when she asks me to okay with her is so heartbreaking. It’s because, like you put into words for me, deep down my heart knows I’m rejecting my own childs need to be wanted. And as a mother going through a very difficult custody battle, and only getting to see my child for one overnight, every other weekend, my time with her is so very precious! It breaks my heart that I’ve ever said “no”. But, at the same time, in the back of my mind, I know I need to do the healthy make when she’s with me, and the dishes can’t be piled up. Nagging in the back of my had some where say all times, is her father and how much importance he places on all of the above mentioned areas of parenting. And also, just how much fun he is with her, but how awkward it feels when I try to play.
So, I thank you for writing this! I needed to be reminded that my time with her is truly what matters, and not just what I’m able to provide for her. I thank God I found this post and I will definitely be sharing.
I am so glad this spoke you where you are, Jamie! And I just said a prayer for your custody situation. Have fun playing together!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I needed to read this and let it sink in. This topic has always been on my conscious but I always seemed to find some kind of house chore to do and the guilt would go away. Tomorrow my goal is to come home from work and make a conscious effort to devote my undivided attention to her and play with her. They do grow up so fast!!! ❤️ I look forward to reading your newsletters and learning more about myself as a parent and growing spiritually!! Thank you again!! ☺️
Hi Amber, thank you so much for taking the time to visit and read…and comment. I pray you have a marvelous time tomorrow, playing with your daughter!
Oh Lord , I am so thankful I came across this blog
I feel guilty for every time my 6 and 3 years old come to me and say mommy look at me, mommy can you play with me, and my answer is always no because I am too busy doing house chores. I am going to dedicate more time playing with them. Thank you so much to put this out there .
I’m so glad this encouraged you, Maria!
I have been struggling with the idea of just playing with my children for a long time. Thank you so much for this encouragement!!
Oh Autumn, I hope you do it! Just sit down and see what happens 🙂
I agree so much with this! It’s not easy to stop what we are doing even if what we are doing doesn’t really matter BUT it is vitally important. My daughter and I love to read books together, make crafts, play dolls, go for runs (she’s only 2 but because I run she wants to and it is a special time), we bake/cook, we read the Bible and pray, we do laundry together, and play dress up, chase and tickle monster. Sometimes I fail at spending time with her like I should, I make other things a priority, but every time I do spend time with her I am blessed by her happy smile and radiating love and she is much happier and obedient. For any person, knowing we matter is important and if we want to train our kids in what we believe about the Lord God and who he is we should image him in our relationships, making disciples of our children and showing them through quality time and intentional time together that we care and cherish them.
Aww, this blesses my heart to read, Kayleigh. Thanks so much for sharing your heart! Your daughter is going to grow up know that she is loved both by you and God.
Goodness, it seems like all of this struck such a chord with me. I love playing with my toddler, and have been struggling with saying no to her because we now have a newborn. The newborn needs so much attention and he’s constantly nursing and my heart just breaks every time I have to tell the toddler “not right now, honey I’m nursing your brother”. Or when she wants to chalk outside and I can’t because I have him in the carrier and I’m just not physically able. I hope she remembers all the times I am able, and I hope to have more play time back as the newborn gets older. This is such a hard stage of life.
Sometimes when you have to say “no” to one thing you can find a way to say “yes.” I wouldn’t feel bad about what you’re not physically able to do. I love to read or tell stories or sing songs when breastfeeding.
Plus, your newborn needs you to say “yes” to him. I have no doubt at all you’re doing an AMAZING job, Bella!
I struggle to play with my very active boy because he is so very physical and I am so very tired LOL plus struggle with some health issues. One thing that helped me a lot was getting a giant beach ball for him….I help him balance on it and we throw it around and I make him bring it back to me. Trying to color or do an activity together always turns into a disaster because he has to have all the crayons and then throw them….he is a very VERY willful boy and cannot bear working together or being anything less than in charge. But he also loves building so we picked up blocks and MagniTiles and I might start something and then just hand him stuff and see what he does with it.
It sounds like you are very in tune with what you can do and what he needs; good for you!
This is just what I needed! Your point about the housework not going anywhere is so spot on! Thank you for such a great post 🙂
Thanks, Asia! Enjoy playing together 🙂
“Mommy, am I as much fun to look at as your cell phone?”
Ouch. Playing with my kids is something I have always tried to do, but as they are gaining a bit of independence I find myself more and more just letting them entertain themselves.
I have noticed, though, that they are happier and even better behaved on the days when we do more things together.
Thank you for this post.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Aubrey. Yes, their behavior DOES reflect the amount of time we spend with them, doesn’t it?
This is such a eye opener I have been saying all that you mentioned.Thank you so much it’s a fantastic article and I guess everyone should read and follow it .Its so true we will have plenty of time in our life once they go for college or job and it will be so hard that the time they wanted to play with us we did not have time now we have time but they don’t.
This is the finest article on raising kids that I’ve ever read. I’m a dad and it’s just as relevant for us fathers to put down the dammed phone and play with our little loves now before they stop asking us to do so when they’re older. Thanks for this powerful message.
Thanks for reading! And for giving the feedback; I am glad it was encouraging.
Oh my this article spoke life into me as I read it and tears ran down my face. I have a 3, 5 and 11 year old and this article just made me realize how much importance I’ve placed in other material things and housework before my precious babies. Tomorrow I will sit on my living room floor and ask my kids if I could play with them. Thank you so much for this I needed it.
Have fun playing together!
Thanks so much for this message. I use to play with my son a lot more but now that he’s 8 yrs old and more independent I have been telling him to go next door and see if your friend wants to play. I wanted him to learn how to develop friendships and social skills. How ever this article made me realize that when he ask for me, he really mean he wants to be seen and heard by me. He knows when he wants his friends and he knows when he wants his mom. Thanks for this lovely article. Tomorrow I will say yes to having a nerf war with him.
Have fun saying yes…and when you Nerf war, may the odds be ever in your favor 😉
Thank you for this gentle reminder. I have 1, 3, and 15 year old boys. This article hit home with my 15 year old the most. He needs me just as much as his little brothers but sometimes I find that I put him last since he can do more for himself. I going to make a deliberate effort to be fully engaged when he and I have conversations. Thanks again for your words of wisdom.
Have fun together. Yes, it’s harder when you have older and younger kids, isn’t it? Our oldest is 19 and our youngest not yet 2. I’m learning to play backgammon and checkers and cards with my older ones or just invite them to share a cup of coffee together. Precious times, but thanks for reminding ME to do it more <3 Have FUN together!
Lost me with all the religious garbage. Was really enjoying it until that crap.
Thanks for reading, Beth. Sorry it didn’t appeal to you! Hope you have fun playing with your kids, regardless <3
Loved reading this! So important ♡
This is beautiful! Thank you so much for writing this. Wow, what a powerful message.
I do play with my daughter, but there are days when I suddenly realize I haven’t sat down to play with her at all that day and it makes me so sad.
This is a great reminder that sometimes we mamas need to let our list of “to-dos” rest for a bit while we focus on the fleetimg moments we have with our children.
Thanks for taking the time to write a note, Marissa. Yes, I think we all struggle with the balance of doing what needs to be done around the house and in general and hitting “pause” as parents to pour into our kids. It’s never easy, but it’s so worth it when we figure it out.
Wow, that was beautifully written and from the heart. Thank you for the message and inspiration!
Thanks, Celina!
Dear Lisa, how awesome n overwhelming it feels to read n hear ure words… I feel so much of my heart there as you speak of how our children need us than just nourishing them with food n shelter… The guilt I always live with is how to cope up with being how to be there with our toys while running busy loves of work, meals, school, chores, etc.. Thank you Lisa for talking out n emphasis ING on the need of our heart n body be together with our children.
Thanks for being so open here, Sherine. Let’s let go of the mom-guilt together and focus on just loving our kids and letting the things don’t matter go! We can do it <3
This just made me cry…at work! Thank you for posting this…it’s a current burden of guilt I’m carrying around. Full time job, carry 90% of the housework, cooking, and household management loads, and a new(ish) baby. My 4.5 year old is desperate for my attention and time and I haven’t given much of either. I printed out your list of ‘what they really mean’ to keep with me and remind myself of my priorities – my family! This whole post rings true with me – I’m terrible at playing (and don’t really think it’s fun, honestly) – but it’s not about me. It’s about spending time with my little ones who just want my attention. Thank you. You’ve deeply touched me
Congrats on your baby! And praying you have fun.