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Have you ever wondered how to have quiet time when your life is anything but quiet?
The toddler is having a fit, the baby is teething and you’re exhausted from being up all night, the dirty dishes won’t wash themselves, an older child needs help with math problems that you can’t remember how to do, the budget is about to snap from the stress it’s under, and you haven’t showered in two days. Life is just loud.
Life is just loud and all you want to do is have a moment of quiet.
Will Someone Please Tell Me How to Have Quiet Time?
I have asked that question so many times over the years, and the answer is never the same because the season is never the same. As soon as I find one way that works, something changes.
We have a new child in the family, a work schedule shifts, nap times disappear, or something else mixes up my plans. And I start over again, trying to figure it out. Have you been there, too, sweet friend?
But here’s what I’ve learned: Quiet time isn’t a routine. It’s something that happens inside of you.
Being quiet, or still, is a heart attitude. It’s one you can achieve standing in the middle of a football stadium or sitting in the sand at the beach. You can even have it standing in the middle of a chaotic kitchen with a kid hanging off your leg, baby food splattered all over your shirt, and frustration threatening to boil over.
Having stillness in your heart is the answer to the mystery of how to have quiet time in a house filled with children and a to-do list that just won’t quit.
And honestly, sweet mama, that’s when you need it more than ever.
There is No Right Way to Have Quiet Time
One of the biggest hindrances I faced as a new mom trying to figure out how on earth to have quiet time was all of the chatter in Christian circles about what quiet time was “supposed to” look like.
Everyone seemed to know how to do it…except me.
You needed a special spot, a journal, pretty pens, maybe a candle, your favorite worship playlist, and quiet surroundings. Perhaps you even carved out a closet and turned it into a war room.
Don’t forget to brew your favorite coffee or tea. All of this while your kids were still asleep in the morning, or napping cherubs in the afternoon. It sounded like they were telling me I needed a miracle. Or a new life.
We lived in a small house and the very second I went to the bathroom in the morning, my kids were popping up out of bed. They woke up with more energy than I remember ever possessing.
If and when they both napped in the afternoon, I took that time to pick up the house and start dinner. I often collapsed for ten minutes, but my brain was too fried to try to read or even form words to pray.
Quiet time? Not hardly.
How to Find Still Waters
One of the most alluring passages in all of Scripture to me in those early years of motherhood was Psalm 23.
I would imagine lying down in a pasture and napping, or dream of sitting beside still waters and finding my soul restored. I knew that if God promised to lead me to that place, it did indeed exist. So I began to desperately pray for a way to find it.
Still waters aren’t exclusive to a still life. And a loud life doesn’t have to mean a loud heart.
Learn to settle your soul, sweet mama. Your quiet time doesn’t have to fit a mold presented to you by your favorite author, Facebook friends, or Pinterest.
Let the Holy Spirit gentle your emotions, calm your mind, and soothe your heart.
How to Have Quiet Time in Different Seasons of Life
Over the years, I have found still waters to sit by in many different places. I have figured out how to have quiet time in each of those seasons, but it has never has looked the same twice. Here are a few different solutions that have helped me at various times and with different ages/quantities of children at home.
Special toy basket just for quiet time
Have a little basket of fun toys that you only pull out for 30 minutes each day. The children will be so very excited to play with those toys because of that special time with them! And that excitement will hold their focus so that you can drink a cup of coffee or tea, read the Bible, and pray while they are entertained.
Sit in the midst of them
This idea was inspired by reading about Jesus’ public ministry time. He was always in the midst of the crowd, talking and teaching and ministering in the center of the chaos.
So I started sitting in the middle of the floor and reading my Bible out loud. It wasn’t peaceful or anything particularly beautiful, but it was surprisingly precious and I still find myself doing it.
If you haven’t ever tried this, give it a whirl. It may not be easy in the early days, but it’s amazingly rewarding. Your children will see you sitting at the feet of Jesus, and letting them clamber around you.
They will not see your faith pulling you from them, but instead you’ll be bringing it to them in a tangible way. You’ll still need quiet time on your own; even Jesus pulled away from the crowds for rest and prayer. But in the day to day of it all, this can be a beautiful thing.
Related: How Sitting on the Floor Made Me A Better Mom
When they’re resting
Do all of your children nap or read books at the same time each day? Could you create a time when they do, perhaps after lunch? During those times, learn to walk away from the chores that will inevitably still be there when quiet time is over.
Learn to be Mary instead of Martha for part of your day. This was oddly one of the more challenging lessons for me to wrap my head around, because I love an orderly space, but it’s so important.
While they do school
If you are are homeschooling, set them up with an independent project. In 1st and 2nd grade, it might be making something out of Play-do such as an Indian village. In older years, it might be reading or math worksheets.
Get them working and sit at the table with them, doing your devotions while they do school. Even if you have littles, they will likely be happy to craft or color at this time, since you’ll all be together.
While they watch TV
In the summer months, I often let my kids start the day with one 30-minute TV show. I have used that time to read my Bible and get dressed. It is quick, but effective. Consider a short treat time for them, as well as for you!
Family devotions
Now we are in a season where we do devotions together as a family. If I can’t squeeze in quiet time on my own, we still have this time of fellowship together where we read from Scripture and talk about what God is teaching us. This nourishes my soul more than I ever anticipated.
What does your family do each day for devotions? If you have something you are doing, then even if you can’t squeeze in some individual time on your own, you’ll have this fellowship together in the Word and God’s Word never returns void. We are currently using Long Story Short, by M. Machowski. Another favorite is Our 24 Family Ways by the Clarksons.
Dance and read
Sometimes it’s just fun to put on your favorite upbeat worship CD and dance together, then read 5 verses or so out loud. You’re teaching your children to enjoy Jesus and cherish His word. Simple, but such a balm to a weary soul.
Bible Journal with them
One of my favorite activities these days is sitting down and illustrating a verse with one or two of my kids at a time. If you’ve never tried it, I totally recommend it!
And it’s super simple! First, you write out a verse. Second, you talk about what it means. Third, you ask them to help you color a picture that explains the verse. You might guide them if they’re younger or let their minds and hearts run with it. This activity can be so meaningful for you both!
My son loves it so much that he signs our names and hangs them on the fridge if we do them on loose paper. I’ve recently started a journal that we do it in, a few nights a week.
Make the Choice to Quiet Your Heart
I never did find time to just sit and bask near a pond of beautifully still water in those early days, but I did learn that I could go to Jesus (our Living Water) at any moment and find grace for the day.
One of the sweetest gifts of those early days was learning to rest in Him, even when life wasn’t restful. I did that by reading the Word each day, even if there wasn’t time to do it the way I’d dreamt of (or that other blogs and books told me I should).
Often that meant sitting on the floor in the middle of a pile of toys while my kids clambered around me and reading the Bible out loud, just so I could hear myself think.
The children were happy because I was with them, and reading to them, and over time I began to find joy even in my loud quiet time because the Word of God never returns void. It was hard at first, but I learned to let it delight me.
I encourage you, dear friend, to seek God. Ask Him to quiet your heart and lead you beside still waters. Ask Him to show you which of these ways you might best use to find the time to sit at His feet, or to show you an entirely new one just for your special family.
Whatever you do, though, don’t let guilt creep in when you hear others talk about what it “should” look like. Don’t lose the freedom of living in grace by believing the lies that it’s only quiet time if it happens according to a formula or trend. Jesus loves you, precious one, and He is waiting to spend time with you.
You are His unique Beloved, and He will meet you exactly where you are if you ask Him to.
Enjoy your quiet time
However you manage to find it, enjoy your quiet time. It might not actually be quiet anywhere except your heart, but cherish it.
And if you’d like some inspiration to come straight to your inbox to help you on this journey, sign up for the 5-day deep dive into prayer with the Graceful Abandon community.
Lisa…this post is fabulous!! I love how you answered the problem, because it’s true for all of us–kids or no kids!
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Spot on. The Christian Community has it’s trends, styles, & fashions just like the world! I wish I had been able to think as independently as you about those things our peers and Christian “celebrities” (we didn’t have blogs or Pinterest back then PTL!) when I was your age. God is a God of infinite creativity. He longs to be with us even more than we do with Him and is more than capable of making a way, no matter what our season. Because you are open to Him, he gave you so many ways… good job!
Thank you. Pinterest and blogs made it so hard to feel like I was good at anything, but they also gave me many amazing ideas. Sometimes, especially when you’re tired in the early days of parenting, it’s hard to know which things to listen to. I pray this encourages other moms that they are doing well, and they can be refreshed!
Such a great post, Lisa! Yes, it is so easy to fall prey to what others say quiet time should look like. We are all at different stages in our lives and it looks different for everyone. Right now, in my retirement years, quiet time can be 30 minutes to several hours reading and studying, sometimes daily, sometimes not. It certainly wasn’t that way when my son was a toddler though. You’ve done a great job with offering solutions. Love it!
Thank you so much, Cindy. I can’t imagine having several hours, and I imagine that time is very sweet, but I am so thankful for this season of mothering my babies and toddlers and teens, too!
I love what you mentioned about imaging yourself in the place of Psalm 23. My husband just retired and we’re on a road trip. I have found it to be difficult to find quiet time. When my kids were little it was at nap time. When they were in school, it was easier. I did homeschool at times and I incooperated a quiet time into the day. I’m finding it difficult as we travel. I’m thinking now about Psalm 23 and that I can just lay in bed longer. Thank you!
You’re welcome! Enjoy laying beside “still waters,” my new sweet friend!
With only 2 kids, I feel a little silly even needing quiet time. Somehow my own mom managed with 5 of us and I don’t remember any quiet anywhere in the house. But I have found the idea of sitting “in the midst of them” to be really freeing lately. I find for myself that the need for “peace” often comes because I am trying to do things that just aren’t compatible with being a stay at home homeschool mama. Thins like have a spotless home or work towards personal projects that require concentration and major brain power. But when I toss my plans and instead get in the middle of what my kids are doing, and jump in to something with them, then real peace comes. Because I am loving the moment He gave me right then, instead of trying to carve my own path. Thanks for this reminder 🙂
Oh my sweet, precious friend…”only 2″ kids? There’s no such thing as only. You have been entrusted by Almighty God to nurture and mold and love two precious lives, made in His image. There’s no “ONLY” about that.
On to needing ‘quiet time.’ JESUS NEEDED IT! He had no wife and no kids. He was GOD. He escaped when He was able, but He also learned how to let God nurture Him when He wasn’t.
And you just hit the nail on the head…needing peace often comes from stepping outside of our purpose. Not always, but often.
I am so glad you were blessed; I’m blessed by your feedback!
This is so relatable. Your suggestions for how to fit in quiet time during the seasons is great. It doesn’t require a set schedule. Just a bit of a routine. A flexible one at that. Sometimes it’s just enough to sneak a devotion on the toilet. But then the kids wonder if you fell in the toilet and you realize that you fell asleep and how your legs are all tingly and you’re afraid to get up. Not saying that has happened to me. But it easily could have. These suggestions are definitely better than that! Thanks!
Bwahahahaha! I love your sense of humor…and that tingly leg IS a danger.