5 New Years Resolutions That Will Destroy Your Marriage This Year
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Many people are scrambling to make their resolutions and jump feet first into January. I’m totally not one of them. While I’m not a fan of making a bunch of promises that I’ll end up breaking, I do have some thoughts about New Years Resolution ideas for your marriage.
I’ve been a wife for going on 17 years now and I’ve learned a few things here and there. Some good things and some bad. You know what I mean, right? Sometimes it feels like I’ve learned a lot more about what not to do, but even that helps.
5 New Years Resolution Ideas For Your Marriage (that will utterly destroy it)
1. Resolve To Lead Your Family
I don’t know about you but when I see a hole I need to fill it. When I see your problem, I need to fix it. When I see a power vacuum, I step in to lead.
That’s one of the most dangerous things a wife can do to her marriage. And I’ve done it way too many times to comfortably admit.
When God created marriage, he installed the husband is the head of the home. He created a wife for the man to be his help meet. That means that he leads, she supports, and they do this thing called life together.
2. Determine To Be Right More Often
I like being right. And more often than not, I am. It’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it. It’s not like I’m trying to ‘win’ or something…I just like the facts to be accurate and for things to be done correctly.
However, when I value being right over being supportive, over loving my spouse, over showering my children with grace, I lose every single time. And so do they. In fact, nobody wins when the point is being right.
One very quick way to destroy your marriage is to focus on being right when you’re having a discussion with your husband. It doesn’t really matter if he’s wrong or if he’s right.
What matters is that you respect him enough to hear what he has to say. When you do that, you open the doors for communication and the two of you can talk it out.
I can tell you from my own experience that when I am thinking about showing my husband how right I am and how wrong he is, I’m not actually hearing anything he has to say to me. All I can hear on the inside is the next point I’m planning to make to show him just how wrong he is.
I guess that means I’ve made it all about me once again. Not the best resolution to make, is it?
3. Set Your Own Goals for the New Year
This might be an odd way to think about this, but in my experience setting my own resolutions picks away at my marriage.
Because, once again, I’ve made it all about me. Instead, talking to my husband about our goals together is the way to go. Asking him what his vision is for our family is what I need to do. And then I need to pray and ask God knit our hearts together in unity.
Some of the sweetest moments I’ve ever had with my man were vision casting for our family.
When we work together, when we move in complete unity, we are stronger for it.
But when I get some idea in my head and I determined to make it happen no matter what, and I haven’t suggested it to my husband and asked for his opinion, it destroys the very fabric of our marriage.
4. Prioritize Your Schedule
It’s very easy for me to tell my husband I can’t do something right now because I’ve already got a plan. Just as my kids do better with a routine, so do I. I like things in the little boxes, tidy shelves, and beautifully organized schedules.
However, my husband doesn’t always work that way. He works outside of our home so he’s not always as aware of the rhythm within it (unlike me, who likes to keep things moving steadily along with no interruptions).
At times that frustrates me. I’ve been guilty of thinking, “If he would just get out of my way I could take care of…” And then I find myself irritated that it’s not working the way I want it to.
Lord, forgive me. Instead of prioritizing my schedule or my children’s routines over my husband’s wishes, I should be setting the example in our home of submitting to a gentle, loving leader for children.
After all, we are the ones who are going to teach them what this marriage thing is all about.
5. Putting Our Kids First
Oh my word, am I guilty of this one! I love my children so much and I would do anything for them.
Well, most anything. I’m still not willing to sit down and watch The Lord of the Rings trilogy with them. Or Barney cartoons. Every mom has her limits.
Sometimes, though, I’m even willing to put my husband on the back burner so that I can make them happy. And it only works for a little while, because what makes them happiest is feeling secure in their parents’ marriage.
Let’s get real, sweet sister. It’s so incredibly easy to get exhausted taking care of the kids and be way too tired to take care of your husband at night. Hint: this is not good for your marriage.
Sometimes I feel like I lose myself as a mom, and I fail to see that I might be losing my marriage too. This is a surefire way to destroy your marriage.
Instead, Consider These New Years Resolution Ideas for Your Marriage (that will help it thrive)
1. Let Your Husband Lead Your family
Instead of stepping up as a leader, be a steward of all he provides for you. If you are helping provide right now, still recognize the role God set him in as the head of your home. Support him, respect him, show him love.
2. Determine to Put Grace & Love Ahead of Everything Else
This one is so hard for me. I almost make an idol out of being right because I want justice to prevail in all things. But Jesus wasn’t God’s version of justice; He was God’s gift of grace. I need to have the heart of God and that is a heart that beats with love and grace and lets the rest fall to the side when needed.
3. Pray With Your Husband for a Shared Vision (and when you disagree, pray for God to bring you into unity)
I can remember disagreeing with my husband over an issue and praying for God to change his heart. The Holy Spirit didn’t answer that prayer, and instead I wrestled with God for years (I can be just a wee bit stubborn) over this issue. Eventually I prayed for God to change ME. And that’s exactly what happened.
Even if he is wrong, let God be the one to point it out. You can share it in love, but then drop it. Don’t beat him over the head with it.
4. Prioritize Your Husband Over Your Routine
Setting his needs above your desire to get things done when your day planner says you should is a gift you can give him. And it’s one he may never realize he’s receiving, to be honest. But you know you are giving it to him, and it is one that matters.
Our husbands need us to prioritize them and respect them, just as we need them to love us and woo us on occasion.
5. Establish Loving Your Husband As Your Top Priority, Second Only to Loving God
God first, marriage second, kids third, ministry and work after that.
I’ve heard this my whole life and still somehow I manage to botch that priority list all the time. Pray for a heart to honor your husband as your highest earthly priority. Love him, be his helpmeet, honor him, and encourage him.