Understanding Intimacy In Marriage: 3 Essential Ingredients
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What is intimacy in marriage? Why is intimacy an essential ingredient in your Christian marriage? Intimacy is so much more than sex; you need to connect with your spouse on three levels for genuine intimacy to be achieved. Here’s your guide to intimacy ideas for Christian marriage.
Every married couple needs to prioritize intimacy in marriage. But why? I mean, you’ve got the kids, the car payment, the messy house, your job, and about 327 other things that you’re juggling. Why does intimacy in marriage need to top the list?
Because if you don’t have intimacy, your marriage won’t be healthy for long.
What you feed gets bigger and stronger and what you starve gets weaker and shrinks. What you give your time to flourishes and what you ignore withers. What you prioritize actually happens and what you let sink to the bottom of the list gets overlooked.
That’s why you need to prioritize intimacy in marriage.
You are body, soul, and spirit. Your husband is, too.
So when you talk about how to prioritize marital intimacy, you really need to discuss all three levels.
Prioritize Marital Intimacy: Physically
No, I wasn’t using “intimacy” as code for “sex.” Or at least, totally. (But I bet you thought I was. Most people confuse intimacy with sex.)
That’s just one facet of intimacy with your husband, and I totally think you need to have it. A few times a
month week, even!
That’s right. A few times a week!
Sex Is Fun
If it’s not, practice makes perfect, my friend. Relax and enjoy it. Set the cares of the world aside and focus on your husband. Let him focus on you. Everything else will still be there in 15 minutes…or an hour (take the time you have; sometimes it’s not as much as you hope for but you can make the most of it).
Sex Creates Connection
The two become one. God said so. They become one emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Out of sync with your husband? When’s the last time you made love with him? Prioritize marital intimacy by keeping that spark alive.
Foreplay & Flirting
But you know what? Physical intimacy isn’t just the act of consummating your marriage. It’s also flirting with him, teasing him (with the intent to deliver at an appropriate time, not teasing him and leaving him wanting).
Keeping things fun and light during the day is a great way to get ready for what will happen tonight.
Cuddle & Sweet Touches
And let’s not overlook holding his hand while you’re walking, putting your head on his should during a movie, or just wrapping your arms around his waist and telling him you love him.
Intimacy can never be reduced to mere sexual fulfillment, and this kind of touch is also deeply satisfying on a heart level.
Resources To Strengthen Your Marriage’s Physical Intimacy
- Boost Your Libido course
- 7 Ways You Need To Spice Up Your Marriage
- Feel More Attractive For Your Husband (and yourself)
- FREE Date Night Game Pack
Prioritize Marital Intimacy: Emotionally
Another way to prioritize marital intimacy is by caring about your husband’s emotions. Women seem to have a lot more feelings than men do, but men still have emotional needs.
In Proverbs 31 it says that the heart of her husband trusts in her. Can your husband trust you completely?
Related: A Proverbs 31 Bible Study ~ Uncover The Truth
Trust Needs To Be Earned
Once upon a time, you and your husband were strangers. You didn’t know one another at all. But over time you shared experiences, thoughts, dreams, and eventually love.
Over time you built a bond of trust.
You earned his trust and he earned yours. That’s a beautiful foundation for intimacy in marriage; in fact, trust is an essential building block for intimacy.
Trust Needs To Be Kept
But trust isn’t a ‘once and done’ kind of a deal. It needs to maintained. You can lose his trust much faster than you can gain it.
By repeating things he tells you to your friends or family. By laughing about something he does when you’re out with the girls. By having relationships with other men, even if they’re sexually pure relationships.
You’re neglecting the trust he gave you when you do those things, and that’s not being a virtuous wife.
Your husband wants to know that he is your best friend. He needs to be the first person you call and the one you want to hold your hand when life falls apart.
When you talk to your husband, speak kindly. When you talk about your husband, speak kindly.
Your words and the tone in which you deliver them, dear wife, have the power of life and death. They can be weapons of mass destruction or tools that build a fortress. Choose wisely and use them well.
Be A Safe Harbor In Life’s Storms
Emotional safety – being a safe harbor for him – isn’t just trust, but also comfort, peace, kindness, and compassion. It’s his knowing that you are his safe place to come home.
This means he can show you his shortcomings and faults and know that even when you’re disappointed in him, you won’t emotionally abuse him or heap shame upon his head.
You will pray for him, you will encourage him, you will help him. You will love him.
Have Fun Together
Laughing and enjoying each other is also crucial to intimacy. It’s the time you spend together just enjoying one another (laughing, dreaming, working around the house, or just watching a movie) that prepare you for those not so fun times.
Make date night a priority, even if it’s at home once the kids go to bed.
Do the things you enjoy together and try new activities, as well.
Resources To Strengthen Your Marriage’s Emotional Intimacy
- Fun Date Night Ideas For Married Couples On A Budget
- 6 Bedroom Date Night Ideas Just For Married Couples
- 7 Fun Dates For Married Couples On A Budget
- Dates for Valentine’s (and any other night you want to make special!)
- Romantic Holiday Dates
Prioritize Marital Intimacy: Spiritually
What on earth is spiritual intimacy? It’s connecting on a spiritual level with your husband. No, not in some woo-woo, aura-type way. But with your faith in God.
Do you pray together? It’s amazing for your spiritual intimacy.
My husband and I went years where we prayed for each other, but not with each other. Then we decided that needed to change. And oh wow!, the rest of marriage also changed…for the better.
We began to ask each other what prayer requests they had, what joys to share, and would hold hands and ask God to shore up areas of weakness, praise Him for His good gifts, and ask Him to reveal His good plans moving forward. We prayed for wisdom and friendships, job situations, parenting responses, and so much more.
It can be hard to get started if you’re not used to it, but it’s so worth it!
Study The Bible Together
Do you read the Bible together or at least talk about what you’ve read?
Believe it or not, this is a great way to bond and grow together. Sharing your faith in the Lord and encouraging one another with the Word of God is a deeply intimate action.
Talk about what you read in your personal quiet time, or even consider reading the same passages and discussing them more.
Resources To Strengthen Your Marriage’s Spiritual Intimacy
- 6 Steps To Refresh Your Marriage
- Resolutions That Will Destroy Your Marriage
- Falling In Love (Again)
- Growing Closer by Focus On The Family
Work Regularly To Maintain Intimacy In Your Marriage
So my dear sister in the Lord, let me encourage you to work hard to maintain and deepen intimacy in your marriage: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.