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When Sharon first told me she had a heart to share how to pray for your wandering husband and yourself, I thought “There is a need for this; YES!” And so here is her heart for you, sweet friend, if this is your reality. I pray it encourages you.
There is little in life that compares to the despair a wife feels when she knows, or even suspects, her husband is wandering.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s merely a wandering eye, a wandering heart, or literal and explicit philandering. It’s a gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, soul-crushing agony.
Worse yet, it’s an access point for the enemy of our souls to enter your mind and heart, as well as the minds and hearts of your children, and, all the more, your husband.
As a survivor of this particular marital challenge, and with a husband who has been freed from enslavement to sexual addiction and sin, he and I often discuss how we each prayed for ourselves, for each other and for our children.
Some of those prayers, we believe, led to spiritual breakthroughs, which allowed us to fight for each other better and to eventually experience freedom. If you’re currently experiencing the pain of a wandering husband, I pray you, too, will find freedom and healing on the other side.
FOUR WAYS TO PRAY FOR YOUR WANDERING HUSBAND (AND YOURSELF)
First, I encourage you to be constantly praying toward forgiveness for him.
It is said, “unforgiveness is like drinking poison while hoping it will kill the other person.” While there is truth here, and you should seek forgiveness for your own sake, refusing to forgive your husband may also entrap him further.
One element of sin’s power over us is condemnation, which causes us to sink deeper into sin. A wandering husband often medicates that pain with the very sin he detests. From a spiritual standpoint, while unforgiveness on your part will poison you, it will further entrap him.
In addition, we are called to forgive and forgive and forgive some more. Seventy times seven, right?
While this is no easy feat, it is mandatory. This is why you must constantly and prayerfully be in the act of forgiving your husband even while he continues to sin against you.
(Side Note: Forgiveness and trust are separate issues. I do not encourage anyone whose spouse is physically philandering to continue intimate relations for both spiritual and physical hygiene reasons)
It’s imperative that you understand that your battle is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
And it is essential that these are the areas you remain alert to and constantly praying against.
No doubt, it is a fight. And yes, while he must fight too, we wives can be the armor bearers of our men. We can stand by their side and when they are too weak to fight, we can prayerfully fight on their behalf.
Few men wake up and say, “Today is a good day to be unfaithful to my wife.” Rather it happens, when weakened by a seemingly incidental sin, that the spiritual darkness of this world gains access to his mind, leads him into sin and then comes back again to shame him into remaining there.
We must be alert to it, we must know our authority in Jesus the Messiah, and we must know where to strike, casting out strongholds of sin and shame wherever we can identify them. You might feel silly, but I think you’ll agree it’s worth it.
Broken trust, broken hearts, and even broken spirits are some of the areas in which you may need healing, and I encourage you to pour your heart out to God in your brokenness. Ask him, plead with him, even, to bring healing to you and your family, but while you do, pray for his brokenness too.
We all know hurt people hurt people, but in the case of an unfaithful husband, when we are being hurt, we tend forget that he is so very broken. In fact, it is likely this brokenness that has led him to wander. For many men, sexual sin is the result of a daddy-wound.
A daddy-wound is the place of your husband’s own pain in relationship to his father. In some cases, it is from explicit abuse or neglect, but in others it stems from a simple feeling of being unable to please his father, or a lack of emotional connection from a present father.
These daddy-wounds are proven to be connected to sexual sin in men, so it stands to reason that the healing of such a wound is necessary for real freedom to be found.
One essential to overcoming sin is to know who you are and whose you are in Christ.
It’s no mistake that the enemy uses an orphan spirit to deny us our God-given, blood-bought power and authority in Christ. He also uses that same trick to convince we are worthless, hopeless, and stuck as victims.
While, we, as those who feel betrayed, may be a victim of identity theft, we must remember our husbands are too, and we must remember to pray for our position as Children of God to be ingrained in our spirits while we also declare it over our husbands.
Even while we feel we are being victimized, we must reject this victim spirit and declare that we are more than conquerors, both for ourselves and for our husbands who are struggling in their own battle.
Prayer for Your Wandering Husband and Yourself
Father forgive Him for he knows not what he is doing. Father help me to forgive him continuously, even when he is in the very act of sinning against me. Soften my heart toward him, and help me to show him love in spite of my own hurt.
Thank you, Father that I am a Child of the King of Kings! That I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that you know and love me, and that you declare good and a purpose for my life. Thank you that I am a Bride of Christ and that you’ve given me authority to stand. Thank you that you’ve given my husband the same authority and that you are already revealing this to him!
I know he does not willfully hurt me, but rather is a victim himself. I ask for our eyes to be opened to areas where healing may be needed so that he can be set free from his wandering ways.
Father, I come against any spiritual stronghold in my husband’s life that is leading him to wander. By the authority I have as a child of the King, I come against the spirit of condemnation, the spirit of shame, the spirit of despair.
Sharon Butler is the blogger and founder atDeeply Rooted Life, focused on encouraging women. She is a daughter of the King of Kings, in preparation as the Bride of Christ, a personal coach for struggling women, the author and creator of The 21-Day Spiritual Detox and The Big Fat Christian Hanukkah Planner .
Sharon is a homeschool mom of seven children, happily married to a wonderful man of God after overcoming struggles not uncommon to marriage. She lives in Connecticut and is available to speak at women’s events, conferences, and retreats.